For 10 years I never cleaned the stove

What the kitchen taught me about effort, care, and doing work that doesn’t need fixing.

My mother decided early on that I will focus on my studies and not household chores like cooking and cleaning. She comes from a joint family where she had to do chores before school and after coming from school. There was barely anytime for herself.

Whenever my mother takes on a task, she always finishes it with finesse.

Every winter, when aunties in the neighborhood would knit 5-6 sweaters for their kid, my mother made only one sweater in the whole year, which was either finished on my birthday or christmas.

I am sure in some parts she wanted to make me happy. But in other parts, she wanted to show off the sweater. She wanted to win the unsaid knitting competition.

Whenever the sweater reveal would happen, aunties would surround me to look at it. That one sweater would have something new and fascinating for them. Some new design, some new pattern or some new way of weaving.

There was a yellow black sweater that had my name on it. It was my favourite. My mum’s favourite was the one where she created external design of flowers and stitched them to my sweater.

All winter, I would parade the sweater of the year with pride. When I cycled around, unknown ladies would stop me in the middle, pull at my sleeves to see how the knitting is done. When they wouldn’t understand, they would ask who made it? My mother of course. They would ask all sorts of question about my mother. Is your mother the one who teaches yoga? Yes.

This one sweater of her took a lot of time and effort. Now imagine the same effort going into doing household chores that no one appreciates unlike the sweaters and when years has gone by, you realize, “oh all my time went into something that doesn’t even has any tangible value.”

When a mother’s unrealized dreams remain untapped, she thinks that her daughter should have the freedom, exposure and TIME to chase all her dreams.

My mother made sure, I wouldn’t have to earn the right to dream.

The result? I studied like crazy. Got great marks, exposure to the world of maths and literature, scholarships, competitions, money, richness… got all of it.

One thing I didn’t get was cooking skills.

21 year old me, didn’t know how to make simple noodles or how to boil water.

a tweet from a tweetstorm.

My mistake was, I always took pride in not knowing how to cook. As a kid I used to say:

“I will learn cooking from the internet when I need it. And I’ll be pro at it.

The need was created when I started traveling frequently for work or otherwise. I got to know I am not keen on eating at restaurants for more than a week. I start craving Dal rice and bhindi roti. And no one, literally no one makes it like mumma does.

So now, there was a problem, and the solution? I learn it.

I started with cooking on festivals. On Holi, I made chole, rice, custard for myself, because I had the whole day to kill and no one to celebrate with. I had picked up some basic cooking skills earlier too when I was 19 and Mumma was sick. She realized I ask too many questions when left alone in the kitchen.

now I know I how I celebrated holi in 2022

I also used to wash dishes and do some cleaning on weekends because mumma is bullish on cleanliness. She says, “Your surrounding should always be clean, because it directly impacts your mind. To have the best mind output on paper. Your surrounding matters.”

She told me how she enjoys cooking when she gets a clean kitchen.

But I missed it.

I missed what she was trying to tell me.

Whenever I washed the dishes, I never cleaned the stove or the kitchen floor. My mother always had to do it afterwards. This has been going on for 10 years. For 10 years I never cleaned the stove.

But my 12 year old sister did it.

When my sister washed the dishes for the first time. She cleaned the stove. Mother was happy and proud of her. I found that fascinating because her smile wasn’t simply encouraging, her smile was content, and she looked relieved…?

Because this time the work was done, and she doesn’t has to touch it again.

That was a huge unlock moment for me. Finishing your work so well that no one else needs to touch it again.

I apply the same philosophy to my work now. if any task is done by me. No one else should have to touch it again.

When I say it’s done, it means I have gone through the review process, I have taken feedback wherever needed, I have asked for help and guidance when stuck. So that when the final work is submitted, no one else should feel the need to change it or correct it anyway because everything is complete to the best of its form.

The next time I washed the dishes I asked my sister how she cleans the stove and how does mumma cleans the kitchen, she showed me the wiper and stove cleaning cloth.

I did it, I cleaned everything.

And when mumma saw it, she couldn’t believe it. She thought my sister did it because according to her, my sister is the only one who could.

Well, there’s a first time for everything.

cooking spree

At a backpacker hostel. I met a friend who was an excellent cook. I used to assist and watch whenever he was cooking. After one meal, when I went to wash the dishes, I noticed the stove was already clean. When he left the hostel, the aunty who managed the kitchen said, “He is the most considerate guy at the hostel, once he finished cooking, you wouldn’t know that someone has cooked here.”

That line stayed with me. He is being appreciated for not leaving a mess for someone else to clean up.

Maybe that’s one of the kindest things you can offer to the world:

To do your work with such care that no one has to finish it for you.

When you say it’s done, make sure it really is.

Before you go, tell me —

1. What’s something you’ve done lately that no one noticed, but you’re proud of anyway?

2. What’s your version of a perfectly finished task?

3. Do you think your past self would be surprised by the kind of care you put into the little things now?

Feel free to reply. I’d love to know.

Much love,
Akanksha 🌻