night note #1: women in love are crazy
love is the strongest delulu
At different stages of life, I had different theories about love.
1. You look at them and you KNOW they are the one.
Strongest attraction to their mind, body or personality. That was me in my teenage. Waiting for that electric moment, waiting for that one person who would make my heart skip.
So any strong attraction that seemed like a good adranaline rush became my crush for the week.
I waited for love to happen to me, like some kind of beautiful accident I had no control over.
2. Soulmate kinda love
People meet people for a reason. There’s meaning and destiny involved. The right person will be magically delivered at the right time.
3. You can love anyone. Love is a decision
This one made my life a whole lot better. It made me fall in love with nature, animals, art, people and my family. I was open to giving and receiving love without conditions.
4. Pyar dosti hai (love is friendship)
This has been emphasized to me recently by different people.
In “Kuch Kuch Hota Hai” there’s a dialogue that says:
"Pyar dosti hai, agar woh meri sab se achi dost nahi ban sakti, to main usse kabhi pyar kar hi nahi sakta, kyunki dosti bina toh pyar hota hi nahi."
(Love is friendship, if she can't become my best friend, then I can never love her, because without friendship, love simply doesn't happen.)
People have a lot to say about this dialogue and the movie. But I noticed something today. The dialogue says, “Pyar dosti hai” not “Dosti pyar hai” (love is friendship, not friendship is love)
Think of it like a Venn diagram where friendship is this huge, expansive circle and love is a smaller circle nested inside it.
I used to think that’s such a bogus dialogue, love exists without friendship as well.
Now I think there are different kinds of love and love can exist without friendship but the best kind of love?
That can’t exist without friendship.
This kind of love is a specialized, intensified form of friendship.
Your lover gets to be your person you text random thoughts to, your adventure buddy, your safe space to be completely yourself. The sex and romance and commitment are beautiful additions, but they're built on this foundation of genuine liking and choosing each other over and over.
Every few years, my theories of love keep evolving. There’s a theory 5 that’s in progress.
Love is the strongest kind of delulu
Especially for women.
Women in love glow differently, they act differently, become almost... crazy in the best way.
Even before I consciously knew I was happy around someone, my friends started pointing out how my features had softened, my smiles have became different somehow, I lit up during the most mundane tasks. One friend even mentioned I'd become more feminine (unintentionally).
Everything gets charged with significance because love makes you feel like you're living inside a story where every detail matters.
There's a Japanese concept called "mono no aware", the bittersweet awareness of the impermanence of all things. But love creates its opposite: "mono no eternal", the feeling that this moment, this person, this feeling is somehow outside of time.
That's the delulu. That's the magic.
Before you go, tell me —
What are your love theories?
How has your understanding evolved over the years?
Feel free to reply. I'd love to hear about your own journey through different ways of thinking about love.
- Akanksha 🌻
Hey Akanksha,
Reading your newsletter hit different. It wasn’t just words; it felt like a quiet conversation I’ve been needing to have for a long time. So here’s me, replying not just as your friend, but as someone who’s lived through his own evolving theories of love too.
1. You look at them and you KNOW they are the one.
This happened to me. And no matter how much I try to rationalize it, there was a moment; maybe even the first moment; where I just knew.
It wasn't just attraction. It was like something inside me stopped rushing for once, and just said, “There. That’s it.”
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to explain it, but I’ve never questioned it since. Even through pain, silence, and distance; that knowing hasn’t left.
2. Soulmate kinda love
I’ve always had this belief that people walk into your life when you need them the most; and sometimes when you don’t even know you need anything.
I used to think soulmate love was supposed to feel like magic; all timing and alignment.
But what I’ve learned is that soulmates sometimes show up not to complete you, but to expose you; to your deepest fears, flaws, and truths.
And that? That’s been more transformative than any fairytale.
3. Love is a decision
This one helped me survive. There have been days when I didn’t feel lovable. Or when everything felt too heavy.
But I kept showing up; for myself, for her (even if not directly), and for the version of us that could be.
Love became a quiet decision I made every single day; to heal, to build, to wait, to hope.
Even if she never sees it, I know the love I feel for her has made me a better man. And that’s enough, most days.
4. Pyar dosti hai
You cracked something open here.
I’ve always wanted to build love on friendship; to have someone who isn’t just a lover, but a co-conspirator, a safe space, a mirror.
And maybe that’s why losing that bond; that deep friendship; hurt more than anything.
Because it wasn’t just the love that felt taken from me… it was my person.
But even now, when I think of my happiest moments; they weren’t grand gestures or movie scenes.
They were just us, laughing over something stupid, sitting in silence comfortably, or exchanging glances that said everything.
That’s the kind of love I still hope for. With her, or no one at all.
5. Love is delulu (in the best way)
You’re right.
I’ve felt it too; how love rewires your brain, makes the world more poetic, more alive.
I’ve walked streets that suddenly meant something because we once spoke about them.
Heard songs that became sacred.
Written things I’d never share, just because I hoped maybe one day… she’d know.
Even now, I carry that magic. Even when it hurts.
Because as crazy as it sounds; I’d still choose that kind of crazy over being numb.
So if you ask me my love theory today; it’s this:
Love is the quiet rage and the loud hope that co-exist when you care too deeply for someone who may never know how much.
But you love anyway; not for the ending, but because some part of you already feels complete for having felt something this real.
Thanks for writing what you did.
It gave my heart a place to speak.