“Be yourself” is the worst advice ever.
If everyone really acts like themselves. You won’t like half the population.
Why does everyone just assumes that being yourself will give you a kind a nice human being only?
What if your authentic self is the one who’s petty about your friend’s success? The one who gets bored when someone talks for long? The one who judges everyone and always has something negative to say about them? The who doesn’t want to hear about your passions?
What if the “real you” is someone people wouldn’t like very much?
I think about this sometimes when I hear the advice “everything will get solved, once you show up as you are.” There’s an assumption buried in there that the mask is the problem.
That we’ve all been hiding our true, beautiful, worthy selves behind a wall of social conditioning, and liberation is just on the other side of honesty.
But what if some of the conditioning is... good?
Sometimes learning to be polite when you’re annoyed, to perform interest when you’re bored, or to say “I’m happy for you” when part of you isn’t, is simply you trying not to ruin someone’s day.
Manners exist because our authentic impulses are often rude.
Every time you don’t say the mean thing you’re thinking, or you let someone else finish their sentence, or you pretend to care about someone’s childhood photos, you might not be “being yourself.”
But you are following your bigger truth. You are letting that person be happy. You recognize that it’s their moment. And you try not to stick out like a sore thumb.
By not being yourself, you’re being better than yourself.
And everyone around you is grateful, even if they don’t know it.
I’ve met people who pride themselves on being “authentic” or “telling things as it is” or “not playing games.”
And you know what most of these people are?
Exhausting.
Because “I’m just being honest” is often code for I’ve decided my comfort matters more than yours.
The person who’s patient even when patience doesn’t come naturally. Someone who makes an effort to listen even when listening feels like a chore. The person who chooses kindness over honesty when honesty would just be cruelty in the moment.
I vote for that kind of “Be yourself.”
The one who follows their bigger truth. The who who always strives to do things better. The who experiments. The one who isn’t rigid about who they are.
Because you my friend aren’t a precious gem that you need to discover. You are a river. You just have to feel your rhythm.
Before I go,
I would love to know what does “being yourself” means to you?
Poitu varen,
Akanksha